[*some names have been altered] I work as a camp counselor (don't worry about it, the kids are fine). Anyway, camp counselors are almost always early 20-somethings and everyone knows when you herd together a bunch of 20-somethings, shit is going to go down. The obstacle in this scenario, however, is when there are children running amok it's hard to get in the zone (and for me, the zone=drunk and...well yeah, basically just drunk). SOLUTION! After the children go home, meet up with your coworkers and get trashed. Okay, so the first incident was when me, Shmalex(*), Shjustin(*) and some other shpeople went over to Shjustins. Smirnoff, Jose, and I decided Shmalex was looking pretty damn tempting, so I busted out my patented moves(blatant, unclever come-ons in combination with preparing him very strong drinks). As soon as he was adequately intoxicated, I made my move. We proceeded to sloppily make out around the apartment and I insisted he carry me around because I guess I'm into that. Anyway, one thing leads to another and drunken somewhat ineffective sex ensues(although to give Shmalex credit, he had some moves which would've had potential had me & my vagina been sober).
Anyway, let me give you a little description of Alex,er, Shmalex:
~definitely caucasian ~definitely speaks Japanese --- stop right here. If a white boy speaks ANY asian language it is a dead giveaway that he wants to fuck asian girls. Exclusively. I may be a lot of things, but unfortunately asian is not one of them. This was sign #1 that I should not try and bone him. shmalex also: ~really into comic books/manga (because he really likes asian poon) ~is into musical theater (which is generally a turn off for me...don't ask me why, perhaps there was some traumatic incident involving jazz hands in my childhood, I don't know) ~in the sober light of day...not so into me (see 'not asian')
So, naturally, this combination of features made me want him all the more. When morning came(something had to), I was still a little drunk and my friends had peaced out the night before when I insisted shmalex would drive me home. I'm about an hour out of his way, but that was unimportant the night before. So we drive home in his sweet pt cruiser and he immediately switches out whatever cd is in there [I now speculate it was musical theater, because the delightful creature I am, I had been mocking him for his interest in it the entire night before.][[also, i put on my best japanese accent randomly while we were having sex...seemed like a great idea at the time. but looking back, i don't think he was that into it.]] and replaces it with "rage against the machine" because he is really badass like that. Anyway, he drops me off and I awkwardly drop all my shit in the middle of the road as he speeds away. This would not be the last time he makes a getaway from me.
Cut to: evening of BOX WINEThis evening, more coworkers were there. Also, my boss. It was actually held at my residence so I busted out box wine and misc snacks. Naturally, we all revert to being in 7th grade and play "Questions" which is basically "ask a sexual question and everyone has to answer it. - teehee." Slowly, people filter out until it is just me, Shmalex, Shjustin, and my friend Chelsea. Oh, sidenote, shmalex kept talking about this korean stripper with "slammin tits" he really wanted to bone. The only part of this that I absorbed was the "slamming tits" part. And I DO have slammin tits,so I thought I was in the clear. The whole korean stripper thing left me unaffected. Shmalex had expressed a desire to leave. I had expressed the desire to punch him in the face if he left. "Okay,okay,okay before you go...I just want to show you the washing machine" I seductively lead him into a room which actually doesn't have a washing machine (it was a large sink, anyone could make the mistake) And I start making out with him, he returns the favor, and picks me up as he knows I like. Then he just goes "uhhh I have to go" "what? no just 15 more minutes..." I say coyly. He runs off. Literally, runs. And that fucker's fast. I text him "you are an idiot" and make Chelsea take me to get a veggie burger and onion rings despite the fact that it is 2am. Mmm, at least the night wasn't a total bust. Nothing takes away the sting of rejection like onion rings.
The next day: my boss begins inappropriately texting me. Oh, joy. A couple nights later, he asks if I want to hang out one on one and being the mature person I am I go"uhhh sure sure I gotta go", hang up, and text him a little later that I don't think it'd be such a good idea and I say clever things about dipping my pen in the company ink. He responds with "o ha well i thot u were into bosses lol :)" swear to god. 40 year old man using lol, emoticons, the whole shebang. so I just go haha, sorry. He makes the situation even more awkward by busting out the "ur all talk lol" Alright creeper, unless my vagina was whispering sweet nothings to you without my knowledge, I definitely never implied that I want to bone you. Excuse me, but I'm a little preoccupied with creating awkward situations with another coworker altogether. sheesh.
Note: Shjustin hit on me frequently also, but nothing too story-worthy...just your run of the mill sexual harassment. He affectionately gave me the nickname "barely legal" and informed me that my "tits look great" in one of my bathing suits. Romance.
So, the current situation= this upcoming mon-fri is my last week of work here (I'm headed back to NY Sept 2) and I'm debating between two possibilities#1- Be mature, and be respectful that perhaps I am not shmAlex's cup of tea. This is nothing against me as a person, I can still work with him and we can be on friendly terms.#2- After work one day, corner him saying "I'm horny!" As he runs, throw myself at him, and as he drives away, throw shit at his car while sobbing. That night, get drunk and call him repeatedly. If on the off chance he answers, alternate between saying I love him and he's a fucking idiot douchebag and I can do fucking better anyway I don't need his shit!!! FUCK YOU ALEX! Next day, repeat.
I'll keep you posted.
HUGS AND KISSES,
Erin
